VALUE THE PAIN PROCESS
It had to hurt that bad for me to value the process and the lessons picked along the way. Negative words, arrows shot at me from people I least expected. Even what was thought as the close circle, sometimes felt like walking on sharp nails. I had to keep going, I had to keep moving coz staying still meant more piercing, a bigger scar which then translated to a longer healing period.
It was not a battle against me; which is why I am not bitter at anyone who was involved, it was a battle against destiny. I know this because it was bigger than me, I couldn’t fight, I didn’t wanna keep running, I felt like I was in a marathon without an end. But I somehow kept going. I had strength every morning, unusual strength to do life and pour out in people’s lives-This, I couldn’t comprehend.
I had no room to be vulnerable, to be real or to make a mistake because it would have been costly. I am human so I made several of those and I remember wanting the piercing nails back because the fire hurt more than the nails. Arrows that pierced my heart, words that crushed the very core of who I was, who I am.
I wondered, I searched-silently; And I fell in His arms, I fell in His heart. His love was so tangible, I found a tender spot that I didn’t want to let go. It was sweet and intimate, I had occasions where I tangibly felt Jesus holding my hand(I mean it, I physically felt it)
My manuscripts are filled with tears. I see how challenging it was. I was burning up but it looked like I was cruising. My skin was stretched beyond me but somehow, I can’t explain how, my heart was oozing out love. There were times it was painful love but it was real, service from my heart.
I miss it. I miss the intimacy with the Holy Ghost. I see how He walked with me through it and I’m amazed. I wanna go back to that level of closeness.
I wouldn’t have valued it as much if it didn’t hurt so bad. It wouldn’t have been such a huge testimony if the opposition wasn’t as great. I wouldn’t have felt the relief it didn’t burn.
This Easter, praise Him in the pain, seek Him in tough situations. Trust me, when it’s done, your bond with Jesus will go a notch higher. You’ll realize He was walking with you the whole time…Value the pain process!
A little door into my heart……