Learning is a curve, a good curve, a worthwhile curve because God wants us to grow in wisdom and increase in knowledge; like Jesus did. Luke 2:52 And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man.
It one thing to learn, to pour out oneself ready and willing to receive instruction and wisdom. But it’s another thing to want to fit in a box, a perfect or acceptable box that speaks comfort, progress and establishment.
I found myself wanting to fit in that box so many times. So much pressure to grow and desire to learn new things, new ways which were supposed to make me a better person, or so I thought. I got so consumed with wanting to learn , wanting to grow that I confined myself. Confined myself in what others thought I should be doing or what pace I desire to take.
Then I lost myself. I lost the things that make me different. I lost the broken but beautiful girl inside that God wanted to use. It’s the circumstances, it’s the words, it’s the environment. All this and so much more made me forget that God gave me beauty for ashes.
Then I realized I was missing something. I had to be organic for God to tell his story through me. The perfect box fills out every part and leaves no room for God to use the unique and different parts of me. I don’t have to conform to any standard, other than God’s standard. I desire to grow, I desire to learn, but I desire God more. And because of this, I have to be true to who He created me to be, organic and authentic. Killing this was killing God’s story.
I had to step out of the box to realize I was in a box. One I had never been in before. One that ravaged my organic self. I wanted to hit a certain point that was beautiful, all so beautiful but under so much pressure to be “right.” The Holy Spirit gradually pulled me out and taught me to re-embrace me! This way, I get to the highest standard based on God’s word, with him holding my hand! How beautiful….
No matter how beautiful and necessary it is, learning should never be consequential. The decision to not loose oneself in the training or battle field should be followed through. Organic, rough, imperfect, unsharpened, it’s beautiful. Allows God to tell His story…
Isaiah 61:3 …He will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the LORD has planted for his own glory.